Beth's Journal

I've been quiet lately, I know. I spent the weekend in Lake George, and purposely didn't bring my laptop, so that explains this weekend's absence. I've been reading everyone's entries, but haven't really had much to talk about.

I've re-discovered my love for Dream Theater. They're a prog-rock band that Justin introduced me to back when we were dating, back in 2001. We got to see them twice in concert, and I really love their stuff. I fell out of the habit of listening to them when they took a turn towards the metal side, and I wasn't a huge fan of metal back then... Now, my tastes have changed, and I'm rediscovering them and remembering old favorite songs, and it's awesome.

I get very frustrated when the girls from the sorority I was in call me directly and ask me to cover their shifts at the computer lab. They expect me to take their shifts because I'm a 'sister'. I don't want to work for them because I literally can't (I'm working 40 hours a week for the college, and I can't work any more), and I don't want to work for them on principle - they ONLY talk to me when they need something, and usually it's covering one of their shifts. Just because I'm working at Levitt doesn't mean it's my only job, and I can't drop everything to work your shift. Plan better, and post to the damn email list. It's there for a reason - so you can find someone to cover your shift.

I'm bordering on the edge of wanting to hide for no reason. Yesterday afternoon, all I did was curl up in bed and watch Bones for 5 hours. I'd like to do that tonight, but I have to go to yoga. I'll feel better after yoga.

Well, it's a new year.

I get the feeling it may not be the greatest, but then again, only the first 40 or so minutes were awkward, so maybe that was the worst of 2010. One can hope, right?

Moved some stuff over to Kit's yesterday, and got my bed set up so I can sleep there tomorrow night when I am finished pet sitting. We went out to dinner at 1844 House - we had reservations for 8:45 pm but got there a little early. When we did get seated, it took over an hour for our food to make it there. It was okay, though- I had fun talking with Kit, Morgan, and William. Then, after that, Morgan and I went to La Casbah and I ran into one of my old professors there. Morgan ran into his ex wife. It was reeeally awkward for me. There were a bunch of college kids there dancing and drinking, and a bunch of older people expecting live music and getting a DJ, and then there was me, in my cute pink coat, nursing an amaretto sour. Yeah.

I was actually pretty glad to go home, drink some water, and go to sleep.

At least the dogs were relatively quiet last night, and I probably could have slept in later than I did, but the doggies needed to be fed, so here I am.

I might go back to bed, though. Not sure. I think today is going to be one of those days.

Why do I always end up in relationships that I end up hurting in?

Why do I even bother to try to form meaningful relationships when I know they'll all fail in the end? I have three close friends, one of which I talk to somewhat regularly, and Bryan. And we all know how well that's been going lately.

He says he'll try to make things better, try to work on things. How can he fix things when he's three hours away, going to garage sales with his mother?

He says he contributes to the house, that he cooks, does dishes, and is going to be driving me to student teaching, and helped me petsit. However, I'm the one who works 40 hours a week to pay for the food he cooks and the soap that washes the dishes. I clean the house, I wash and fold his laundry, and if it weren't for me being friends with Caroline, we wouldn't have had the pet sitting job at all. He just waltzes off to do fun things while I work my fucking ass off. I pay his bills. I pay the rent. I deal with his video game addiction. I fucking gave him a laptop. Granted it's used and has issues, but it actually runs, unlike the laptop his dad gave him. (And for those who are curious and wonder how I got a Macbook Pro while being unable to afford a wedding, I got extra financial aid to cover my computer- I found out that I can do a budget adjustment to pay for a computer once during my time in school. That's how I got the laptop, which is one of the smaller, cheaper Pros. They don't do budget adjustments for weddings.)

And I'm sitting here at Financial Aid, working, with the exciting prospect of going home and crying to my fish this evening, while Bryan is off in the mountains, having fun with his family.

Which is apparently another point of issue between us. He thinks I'm jealous of the relationship he has with his family. I'm just jealous of the fact that he actually gets to SEE his family. Since this time last year, I've seen his family 6 times. I've seen my mother ONCE.

Ugh. I hate being a girl. I feel so sluggish right now, despite the fact that I've had about three cups of coffee. I'm eating all sorts of crap food that I'm going to have to work off later (yay for the elliptical machine), and all I want to do is sleep.

In other news, I have a babysitting job on Friday night! It's for two little boys, 8 and 10 years old, who love to play video games. My DS will finally get some use! I figure I'll bring the DS over, maybe the Wii, and my Super Mario Bros. Super Show DVDs, and the three of us will have fun for four hours. I can definitely use the extra money - it's going into my "pay for the wedding" fund. I hope the kids like me, this way I can babysit for them more and maybe earn more money. If that does happen, any babysitting money will go in the fund, just like any money I'm making off my punch embroidery and scarfs is going into the fund. (If anyone wants to take a peek at my punch embroidery, go to http://www.purpleparadox.net and look at the gallery.)

I have my induction ceremony for Omicron Delta Kappa tonight. I'm excited, it's the first honor society I've ever been in. (Next week I'm getting inducted into Omicron-Psi, but I have to miss that ceremony, because I'll be at Madrid-Waddington Elementary, doing my pre-student teaching stuff.) I hope I'll be awake enough for it. I'm going to go work out after Kiddy Lit, and then go home and make myself pretty. I have another awards ceremony I'm supposed to be at tonight, for Teacher Opportunity Corps, but I can't make it to that because of the ODK ceremony. Diana, the director for TOC, tried to make me go to hers for 15 minutes (the TOC reception starts at 6:15, and the ODK ceremony starts at 6:30), but I'm not going to push it and end up late to my own induction ceremony. Bryan is going to go to the TOC thing for a little bit, and hopefully Diana will give him whatever award I'm getting. There is way too much stuff going on in April, I swear.

And holy shit, my birthday's in two weeks and a day. 27 years old, here I come. :D